Is Your Nervous System Just Trying to Keep You Safe?
Understanding Dysregulation in a World That Never Slows Down
Ever felt like you’re running on fumes—but still can’t stop?
Or maybe you’ve had the opposite experience: you’re exhausted, numb, disconnected from the world, and just scrolling your phone, unable to move?
Both of these states—wired and fried, or shut down and checked out—have something in common: they’re signs your nervous system is trying to protect you.
But when we stay stuck in these stress states, unable to return to a sense of safety or balance, we lose access to clarity, creativity, connection, and calm.
This is called dysregulation. And it’s far more common than most people realize.
What Is Nervous System Dysregulation?
In simple terms, dysregulation happens when the nervous system gets stuck in a chronic stress response. Instead of flowing through natural cycles of activation and recovery—like alertness to rest, or focus to relaxation—your body stays stuck on "on" or stuck on "off."
Stuck on "ON" looks like:
Anxiety, panic
Hypervigilance
Racing thoughts
Irritability
Overwhelm
Perfectionism or overfunctioning
Stuck on "OFF" (also called dorsal vagal dominance) looks like:
Numbness
Disconnection from emotions or body
Doom scrolling or zoning out
Procrastination
Hopelessness or "what’s the point?"
Shut down or freeze
Here’s the thing: both are stress responses. In either case, the body doesn’t feel safe enough to relax, so it stays activated—or collapses.
As one of my clients once said:
“It’s like my foot is either glued to the gas pedal, or the car’s completely stalled. I can’t find neutral.”
Why This Happens: A Quick Look at the Nervous System
Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, gives us a helpful map of how the nervous system responds to stress.
When we feel safe and supported, we live in the ventral vagal state: calm, connected, capable.
When we detect danger—real or perceived—we shift into sympathetic activation: fight or flight.
If that doesn’t work, we may collapse into dorsal vagal shutdown: freeze, numbness, disconnect.
These responses are not weaknesses. They are adaptive survival mechanisms. Your nervous system is always trying to protect you.
But when you experience chronic stress, unresolved trauma, or overwhelming environments, the nervous system can get stuck. It forgets how to come back to safety.
As I often tell clients:
“Your nervous system isn’t broken—it’s doing its job. But it may be overworking a system that was never meant to run on high all the time.”
A Personal Story: My “Stuck On” Moment
I’ve had my moments of dysregulation—times when I didn’t even realize my body was holding so much.
A few months ago, I was working through a heavy caseload, juggling family needs, and rushing from one task to the next. I thought I was managing okay—until one morning, I found myself snapping at a completely harmless email. My jaw was clenched, my shoulders tight, my breath shallow.
Instead of powering through, I paused. I stood up, walked outside, and let my eyes wander across the landscape. I tracked the breeze on my face, the sound of birds, the ground under my feet. It took only five minutes—but it was enough to bring me back.
That’s the power of bottom-up regulation.
How This Shows Up in Therapy
Many of the people I work with come in thinking they’re failing because they’re “too anxious” or “too shut down.” But through therapy—especially with Somatic Experiencing and experiential approaches—they start to see those responses differently.
Take James (name changed). A high-achieving entrepreneur, James came to therapy saying he couldn’t stop overworking and felt constantly irritable. Through somatic tracking, we uncovered that underneath his drive was a nervous system stuck in high gear.
He wasn’t just being a workaholic—his system didn’t feel safe slowing down.
Through breathwork, grounding, and learning to tune into his body’s signals, James gradually learned how to downshift. For the first time in years, he started sleeping better, spending time with his kids, and even enjoying stillness without guilt.
The Tools: Bottom-Up Regulation
Unlike traditional top-down approaches that focus on thinking your way out of distress, bottom-up regulation starts in the body. That’s because your nervous system reacts faster than your thoughts.
Here are a few tools I often use in therapy and teach clients to use on their own:
1. Breathwork
Not just deep breathing—but paced breathing. Try inhaling for 4, holding for 2, exhaling for 6. The longer exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s “brake pedal.”
2. Grounding
Use your senses to bring yourself back to the moment. Name 3 things you see, 2 things you hear, 1 thing you feel on your skin. Your body loves orienting to now.
3. Tracking Sensations
Ask yourself: “What’s happening in my body right now?” Notice tingling, heaviness, warmth, or tightness—without trying to fix it. Just bringing awareness can shift the pattern.
4. Gentle Movement or Stretching
Roll your shoulders, sway side to side, stretch your arms. Small, mindful movements reintroduce flow when the system is frozen or agitated.
These aren’t hacks. They’re reconnections—to yourself, to safety, and to the possibility of ease.
Why This Matters
Once clients begin to understand their nervous system, everything changes.
They start to:
Recognize their own patterns without shame
Catch dysregulation early and respond differently
Build greater emotional resilience
Show up with more presence in relationships
And most importantly, feel safer in their own skin
One of the most powerful shifts is moving from “What’s wrong with me?” to “Oh… this is what my body does when it doesn’t feel safe.”
That’s where healing begins.
Why This Matters for Parents (and Their Kids)
If you’re a parent, your nervous system isn’t just regulating you—it’s shaping the emotional climate of your home.
Kids don’t learn how to self-regulate by being told to “calm down.” They learn it by watching how we calm ourselves. Through hundreds of small, everyday moments—how we respond to stress, how we recover from conflict, how we pause and breathe—they’re absorbing nervous system patterns from us.
That’s why learning to recognize your own dysregulation isn’t just a self-care skill. It’s a parenting skill.
When you model regulation, you’re giving your children something powerful: the embodied sense that emotions are survivable, repair is possible, and safety can be restored.
And here’s the beautiful part: you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.
When you catch yourself snapping and come back with a repair (“Hey, I was feeling overwhelmed. Let’s try that again”), you’re showing them how to reconnect after rupture.
When you slow your breathing or take a grounding pause, you’re showing them what regulation feels like.
In families where parents practice nervous system awareness, there’s often less yelling, less shame, and more mutual understanding. Regulation becomes a shared language—not just a solo task.
And that’s not just good for your kids. It’s good for you, too.
Because you deserve a family life that feels more connected, less chaotic—and a nervous system that knows what it feels like to rest.
Your Body Isn’t the Enemy
We live in a world that never slows down—and often tells us we shouldn’t either. But your nervous system needs rhythms. Needs rest. Needs safety.
If you find yourself numbing out, snapping at loved ones, or feeling perpetually on edge, you’re not broken.
You’re just stuck in survival mode.
The good news? With the right tools, support, and curiosity, it’s absolutely possible to come back to yourself.
Ready to Begin?
If any of this resonated with you, we’d love to walk alongside you.
At Bridge Counseling, our team specializes in trauma-informed, body-based therapy to help people like you reconnect with safety, presence, and capacity. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
👉 Book a session with one of our therapists
👉 Or check out our online courses and tools
Because your nervous system isn’t the problem.
It’s the place where healing begins.